Winning

Hoping beyond the goal

I worked for communists. I could have made it work. I could have bent myself to their will. But this would not have allowed me to become myself — I would have been an eternal pessimist, and even more egregious, I would have become an elitist.

There was always an invitation to be a part of the party, one of the smart ones — or, at least one of the ones in charge. It would have been a life of imparting my “wisdom” to the proles while their labor supported our goals.

Once I started to realize how truly pessimistic all those around me were, I had a choice: I could have been the guy who laughed with the laughers, and fought alongside the fighters, and believed with the believers. But, as one of them — one who also eventually left them — said to me, “you can never win.”